Darth Jux, Sith Lord
Hidden in yesterday’s links is a dark secret of Jeff, his desire to be a Sith Lord. But if you know Jeff like I do it all tumbles into place.
It all stems from Darth Vader’s blog. That’s where Jeff finally made his realization that he too is strong in the force, and served as a warning on where his power could go wrong. However, doesn’t have a lightsaber and, as everyone knows, a Jedi without a lightsaber is like an Englishman without a haddock. And so his quest begins.
Whenever you need anything weird the first place to start is ebay. I mean they have a full size statue of Gollum and the Marquis de Sade’s skull for crying out loud, why not an incredibly powerful Jedi weapon? But then he remembered ebay’s rules concerning large weaponry and turned his focus on a more practical means, dumpster diving. After all the story of Vader and the Empire was long ago and maybe the current owner had grown tired of the thing or not realized what it was and pitched it out with the old orange peels.
All of that searching through other people’s trash had piqued Jeff’s appetite for the culinary delight, Spam. And the best thing to do with Spam is mask its flavor under a lot of spices. Spam kebabs are perfect for sitting out and watching the Aurora Borealis, hence all those pictures. Not many people know this, but Jeff is responsible for those (not the pictures, the Aurora). What an evening Spam and Jedi induced radiation. But there is still work to be done.
Jeff is still searching, not only for Vader’s lightsaber, but also for the purpose of a young, untrained Jedi in today’s world. Is there some secret meaning in Pi? I don’t know. I’m not a Jedi and Jeff just smiles when I ask him about it. I do know there aren’t any good Jedi “chicken crossing the road jokes” though. He was pissed for days about that.
The only thing that calmed Jeff’s distress over the lack of good chicken humor was his discovery of the man code. He decided it was time to buck up and not be a weenie about some damn chickens and the fact he still didn’t have any laser based weaponry.
Another important discovery was the living will form. Jeff really didn’t want to end up like Vader, or the lady in Florida. So he filled that out toot sweet. And then he watched people set themselves on fire, because that always cheers him up.
I’m still not sure what’s up with the dog stuff. Maybe he’s hoping to find a padawan in a dancing dog?
The carved watermelon were clearly done with a lightsaber. Only a refined and elegant weapon could produce such careful lines and shading in the rind of a melon. And his search for other Jedi is renewed. And in an arcane work of Shakespear Jeff finds a new Jedi Code, because the Hokey Pokey is what it’s all about.
But his final post must have been presented on accident as it lays out his plan for the destruction of the earth, but as his plan is now public it is truly farked.
Tune in tomorrow for more updates about Jeff’s advances in his Sith training!
