Drunken Pumpkin

You’re kidding!

And the lesson learned? Keep your eyes on the road.

Bernard Kerik, the former New York City police commissioner and onetime Bush cabinet nominee, pleaded guilty in June 2006 to a pair of misdemeanors for improperly accepting $165,000 in gifts while working as Gotham’s jails boss. Kerik, who glued himself to Mayor Rudolph Giuliani’s left shoulder following the September 11 attacks, avoided jail in a plea bargain with Bronx prosecutors. He posed for a mug shot and was fingerprinted “just like every other perp,” reported one city investigator. In December 2004, at Giuliani’s urging, President George W. Bush nominated Kerik to head the Department of Homeland Security. But the pick quickly turned into a debacle when Kerik announced that he was withdrawing his name from consideration due, he claimed, to questions about the immigration status of a nanny he formerly employed.

Thanks to The Smoking Gun

A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.
~ Bertrand Russell

I actually passed this one by and wasn’t going to post it as it’s extremely silly, even by my standards. However, in honor of Amanda’s comment on my alma mater…

A short trailer brought to you by people that have watched Office Space and Star Wars too many times.

Found this clip here.

Most of us have heard the story that Benjamin Franklin wanted the Wild Turkey as the United States of America’s national bird, but haven’t read his arguement in his own words.

Benjamin Franklin, in a letter to his daughter in 1784:

“For my own part I wish the bald eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a bird of bad moral character. He does not get his living honestly. You may have seen him perched on some dead tree near the river, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the labour of the fishing hawk; and when that diligent bird has at length taken a tish, and is bearing it to his nest for the support of his mate and young ones, the bald eagle pursues him and takes it from him.

With all this injustice, he is never in good case but like those among men who live by sharping & robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy. Besides he is a rank coward: The little king bird not bigger than a sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the district. He is therefore by no means a proper emblem for the brave and honest Cincinnati of America who have driven all the king birds from our country . . .

I am on this account not displeased that the figure is not known as a bald eagle, but looks more like a turkey. For the truth the turkey is in comparison a much more respectable bird, and withal a true original native of America . . . He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a bird of courage, and would not hesitate to attack a grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his farm yard with a red coat on.”

If you are still reading, Franklin’s use of the phrase “Cincinnati of America” got me curious, so with a little bit more digging (very little) I found this.

Okay, I admit that I asked Jeff to lay off of the political stuff. There are legions of sites out there that trash our president, and, to be honest, John Stewart and Stephen Colbert are way funnier and better informed than I am. I also think that our timing may be a little off, if it was possible that our resident Emperor President would be running for office again I would feel it necessary to stand up and scream, but he isn’t, at least not yet.

But even before Jeff felt inspired to post about Bush he was clearly on a quest to poke fun at our fearless leader. In Worms, truly a wonderful game, you use conventional and unconventional weaponry to smite your opponent, an opponent that is nearly indistinguishable from yourself. While the U.S. doesn’t have banana bombs and exploding sheep I think that may be just a matter of time. And we are certainly very like the little kids taunting the monkeys and getting pissed when the monkeys take a swipe back at us.

Little did you know that Jeff has learned a lot of his political theory from the great apes and monkeys of the world (no, that isn’t a Bush reference). If you look carefully at the video you might catch a glimpse of our little Jeff just off camera telling the little tikes that they should give the monkeys empty packets of chips and pull them away at the last minute. Go watch it again, I’ve got time.

After seeing that it only makes sense that we would absolve all of our soldiers from warcrimes. You taunt the monkey, the monkey attacks, and who the hell do you blame? Nobody.

Check back tomorrow to see Jeff expound on the politics of monkeys and maybe a little chat about our national symbol the bald eagle.