Drunken Pumpkin

Excerpt from this article:

Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn’t want her to know he’d packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey. So he told security it was a bomb, officials said.

“Crikey, mate. You’re far safer dealing with crocodiles and western diamondback rattlesnakes than the executives and the producers and all those sharks in the big MGM building.” ~ Steve Irwin

“Every cent we earn from Crocodile Hunter goes straight back into conservation. Every single cent.” ~ Steve Irwin

“I believe that education is all about being excited about something. Seeing passion and enthusiasm helps push an educational message.” ~ Steve Irwin

“I get called an adrenaline junkie every other minute, and I’m just fine with that” ~ Steve Irwin

“The only animals I’m not comfortable with are parrots, but I’m learning as I go. I’m getting better and better at ‘em. I really am” ~ Steve Irwin

The chicken came first, of course. Lawsuits for copyright infringement came because of the following.

Many more can be found at Satan’s Laundromat

Update: May 15th, 2007…Another example of why the embed function of YouTube and GoogleVideo is stupid - because they do not maintain the material that they incite you to link to. I will see if I can find another copy of the same.

. . . is to report on the news without being the news. Then there are those that don’t know this.

By the way, useful for those of you who may not be sports fans to know before watching the video. . . Jim Everett is a well known former quarterback in the NFL, Chris Evert is a former Women’s Tennis Champion.

How does the dog keep water from going up his nose?

Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?”
Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?”
Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?”
Witness: “No.”
——————————————————-
Lawyer: “Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?”
Witness: “No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.”
——————————————————-
Lawyer: “What is your marital status?”
Witness: “Fair.”
——————————————————-
Lawyer: “Are you married?”
Witness: “No, I’m divorced.”
Lawyer: “And what did your husband do before you divorced him?”
Witness: “A lot of things I didn’t know about.”
——————————————————-
Lawyer: “And who is this person you are speaking of?”
Witness: “My ex-widow said it.
——————————————————-
Lawyer: “How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?”
Witness: “Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good.”
——————————————————-
Lawyer: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
Witness: “All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.”

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. ~ Groucho Marx

Jeff has been posting all of these trial transcripts recently in memory of all of his own legal troubles. As I have said Jeff is quite the noted inventor, but he has never received the recognition he feels is deserved. Consequently, he has spent a fair amount of time in the presence of lawyers defending his patent claims. The major problem he has run into seems to come from the fact that all of his forms have been filled out using a cornflower blue crayon.

Jeff always defends his use of a light blue stick of wax as a writing instrument stating that crayon is a much more indelible writing medium than ink or pencil, which is one of his numerous ideas to improve the archival quality of written documents. He also lays claim to the specific formula that gives that lovely shade of blue. He was quite disturbed when his labor of love was used so prominently in Fight Club with no credit being given.

Although his lawyers would always tell him to “Act Natural” in the patent hearings he was always disturbed that they never gave him any specific guidance on just what that meant. So, he never understood why they got upset when he would start picking bugs off of the judge and trying to feed them to him. “What could be more natural?” he would protest as he was lead away by a bailiff for contempt of court.

Jeff’s unusual behavior has become legend in courts all across the country. Just go and have a look at your local courthouse to see if they have had any encounters with the “mad inventor” Jeff. If the bailiff looks a little shaken whenever someone comes in wearing a cornflower blue tie and nothing else, he has probably encountered Jeff at some point.

In recent years Jeff has taken a more civic route to enforcing his patent claims. He writes letters to those that have stepped on his creative toes and asks them to kindly knock it off. A few hundred of those letters, all in blue crayon, is normally enough to make most folks ease back on their claims to Jeff’s intellectual property.

Tune in tomorrow when Jeff may reveal his proof of which came first, the chicken or the lawsuit for copyright infringement.