Drunken Pumpkin

Insert your own punchline here.

The new supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.

WARNING!! If you have not read “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” and intend to do so, DO NOT CLICK ON THE FOLLOWING LINK!

I went looking and this shirt is no longer available for sale through tshirthell.com. If anyone knows where this product may be available for purchase, please email me at jeff@drunken-pumpkin.com or post a comment to this post and I will make sure to provide a link to this product.

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

No one can question Jeff’s journalistic integrity. Especially since he doesn’t claim to have any. However over the last few days Jeff has been posting material that is potentially harmful to a number of powerful organizations. And due to the all knowing nature of these organizations I have been abducted by no less than three different people in an attempt to thwart Jeff’s plans to expose them to the world.

When Jeff proposed discussing Microsoft’s new EULA they were a little upset. But they were pretty easy to get along with. Their vision of intimidation was to unplug my ethernet cable and tell me to knock it off. And they locked me in my own house, so I was rather comfortable, and Jeff posted his comments anyway.

The Illuminati were a little more vigorous in their attempts to curtail exposure by Jeff. That involved lots of duct tape and a ride in a nuclear submarine, but as soon as they knew that Jeff could not be bought they dropped me off in Hawaii with a plane ticket home.

Now, those five second rule people are a little creepy. Jeff almost didn’t post about them when he saw me duct taped to my own sofa while strangers menaced me with foods of varying consistencies that had been dropped on my floor. Jeff’s quick thinking got me out of that situation by pointing out that they had already been exposed on Wikipedia, and we were just relaying that information on our own website. They were so let down that they even ate the pudding they had dropped on my floor.

We took them to the hospital shortly after that.

And that’s what I did on my weekend.

Tune in tomorrow for more of Jeff’s sacrifices to the world. Including a chicken.