Drunken Pumpkin

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. “I know we’ve been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.”

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph. The husband speaks again. “I don’t want you to try and talk me out of it,” he says, “because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, And she’s a far better lover than you are.”

Again the wife stays quiet , but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75. He pushes his luck.

“I want the house,” he says insistently.. Up to 80.

“I want the car, too,” he continues. 85 mph.

“And,” he says, “I’ll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!” The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.

This makes him nervous, so he asks her, “Isn’t there anything you want?”

The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. “No, I’ve got everything I need,” she says.

“Oh, really,” he inquires, “so what have you got?”

Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph,The wife turns to him and smiles.

“The airbag.”

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one

Well, Jeff finally posted that flashy video. I read his warning and clicked on the link. How was I to know that my computer had a family history of epilepsy. It was a horrible sight. I didn’t even know where to put my wallet to keep it from swallowing a power cord. Very sad. But we’re all better today.

What Jeff doesn’t want you to know about the cat playing guitar is that the guitar is really a tazer. Instead of the guitar sending juice to that amp it works the other way around. Jeff really likes to pull that one out at parties and pass it around. You see, the other amazing thing about that picture is the guitar is actually full size. The cat is really big. But friendly, even after the frequent electric shocks.

And I’m pretty sure that Jeff was the fellow in the shipping video that said, “We’re all clear on this side… No, wait, I tell a lie.” He likes to do that kind of thing.

Tune in tomorrow for marriage advice and customer service tips.