Drunken Pumpkin

For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.

I just wanted everyone to know that Jeff wasn’t joking about us having a prize for the contest. Soon there will be a link to a cafepress shop with Drunken Pumpkin apparel and the winner will get a free t-shirt. I haven’t got the image resized and such is why there isn’t one now.

But now you know. Go leave captions. And if the comments button doesn’t work send them straight on to jeff@drunken-pumpkin.com or pyrophage@drunken-pumpkin.com

EDIT:You can have a look at the shirt at http://www.cafepress.com/drunkenpumpkin.104762901
You can also just buy one of these bad boys if you don’t feel like trying to be clever.

• Idiot believes “An Inconvenient Truth” a slander against the US

  Believes that the warming trend shouldn’t be blamed on global warming, since it is obviously a sign of Jesus’ impending return. Unfortunately, he complained to a school board which, in a knee-jerk reaction, banned it from the entire school district.

  (tags: news education political)

Not only am I not the only one having trouble with them, but the troubles I’ve been having are a pittance in comparison.

Oliver DeSofi’s normal cell phone bill is about $150 on a family plan, and he used about 183 minutes on his phone in October.

But when the 77-year-old retiree opened his Cingular Wireless bill in November, he saw $21,420 in roaming charges for more than 4,500 calls from Nicaragua — where he’s never been — to numbers he’s never called.

DeSofi immediately called Cingular and found out another $9,554 in charges from the Central American country were already on his next bill.

DeSofi told the company it was fraud. Cingular’s fraud department disagreed.

The full article can be found here

Erento.com

Click on the link above and you will be taken to a website that looks suspiciously like a dating service. Members have photographs, and give specific details about themselves including height, hair and eye color, even jeans and shoe sizes.

But these individuals are not looking to meet ’significant others’ - Erento is a temporary employment agency where you can hire people to appear at various demonstrations, either for or against the topic of your choice. While the concept of a ‘rent a mob’, a group of people hired to make noise at a rally or demonstration, is age old, this is the first time that I can find an agency that blatantly states that they are hiring people out to this purpose. The average demonstrator will cost you 145 Euros ($187.35 USD) for a block of 6 hours, but they do reserve the right to refuse if your cause is one to which they are opposed.

Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.

Have no fear your high octane coffee is here.

And it’s excuse, not accuse. I’ve had a lot of coffee. Leave me alone.

We’ve been kicking around the idea of a caption contest for some time - something to allow visitors to show us what kind of off-the-cuff wit they have, so here it is, the inaugural caption contest.

Post your submissions as comments to fill the speech balloon in the picture above. The winner will be determined and notified by February 9th via email (make sure to fill in your email address when posting your comment.

Pyrophage, tell them what tantalizing prizes are up for grabs…

Reflecting on the choices that you make is usually a good idea. It appears that, like Groucho, Jeff is reflecting on the concept of marriage.

I wonder how many people ask themselves, “I wonder what it’s like to be married to X?” Most people, perhaps only get stuck on that other question, “Will X marry me?” But maybe we should exercise that other bit of curiosity first.

A little known fact is that Jeff gets some of his special powers via marriage. His willingness to spend copious amounts of time at work seems to be one of them. However, his curiosity about the nature of marriage also killed the cat. But I’ve been assured that was just a freak accident with the disposal and nothing malicious whatsoever.

Tune in tomorrow when Mrs. Jeff rebutts my potential slander. And flying monkeys return to save the day.