Drunken Pumpkin

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, “Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass, what made you come?”

Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn come to church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”

Murphy said, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ you decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell, right?”

Murphy shook his head and said, “No, Father, after you talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ I remembered where I left me hat.”

Boudreaux, Thibodaux, Gautreaux and Pierre all went on a hunting trip. They only had two tents and no one wanted to sleep with Boudreaux because he snored so loudly. The others decided that to be fair they would rotate who had to sleep with Boudreaux.

Pierre had to sleep with him first, and he stepped out of the tent next morning grumpy with bloodshot eyes and his hair a mess. The rest said, “Man you look turibble”. He replied, “Man, that Boudreaux snore so loud, I couldn’t sleep a wink….I just watch him all night long”

The next night was Thibodaux’s turn. The next morning, Thibodaux was grumpy with blood shot eyes. They all said, ” Man, Thibodaux, you look like a train hit you”. Thibodaux said, “Yeah, from the noise you da thought there was a train was in my tent. All I could do was watch Boudreaux snore all night long.”

The third night was Gautreaux’s turn. Next morning he come to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed, happy and whistling, and said, “Good morning all”. They couldn’t believe it. They said, “How da hell did you get sleep with all dat snoring?” Gautreaux say, “Well, Boudreaux and I get ready for bed and I reach over and kiss him on the cheek and pat his ass and said, ‘Good night, sweetpants’………and Boudreaux stay up and watch me all night.”