Drunken Pumpkin

Some material just begs to be shared. For instance, this little nugget.

It appears that Captain America has been suffering from depression since Marvel Comics killed off his character last month and has taken to binge partying in order to drown his misery. Unfortunately on April 24th, 2007, a date that is destined to go down in history, Captain America was booked on charges of battery, disorderly conduct, and marijuana possession after several bar patrons complained of being groped by the former symbol of the American Way.

I’m looking for video that I can embed here, but until I find such you can watch footage from the police station at The Smoking Gun. Oh, and they have the real story, if anyone wants it.

I wanted to drop a line to let everyone know that I’ve been swamped updating our old posts - as we’ve mentioned recently, we updated our primary file management software about a month or so ago and the number of formatting problems that the new software has caused has been staggering. Unfortunately it’s only been over the course of the past week that we became aware of most of them, as for some reason neither my computer nor Pyrophage’s have been exhibiting many of the formatting problems.

So we are currently digging through the past year’s worth of posts and fixing things as fast as our little fingers can fly, but if you happen to encounter anything that you look at and say to yourself, “there’s no way they meant for it to look like that,” please post a comment or email us (you can find our contact information under the ‘Contact Us’ link to your left). We will be making any material brought to our attention in such a fashion our highest priority.

Thanks

Well, it’s time for a brief look at some other tasty, salty meat snacks.

We all know about Spam, both online and offline. But what about it’s bastard cousin Treet? While Spam is a Hormel product, Treet is brought to us by Armour, famous for their hot dogs, or at least their hot dog jingle. Treet is pretty much cheap Spam, if you can get your mind around that. The key difference being that Treet uses chicken where Spam uses ham. In my own opinion I have also felt that Treet had a bit coarser grind to it than Spam. But according to wikipedia I am exactly backwards on that sentiment. Maybe it’s the fact I haven’t consumed Treet in quite some time. But I remember encountering little chunks of stuff that could be clearly recognized as part of an animal, and that’s not always a good thing.

Treet also always struck me as being slightly saltier than Spam. And I remember a fair amount more of aspic in Treet than Spam. However, this may have changed in recent years, as I remember Spam always having a generous helping of jelly in it whenever I had the stuff as a youth. Could it be that our preserved meats are becoming healthier? I would almost agree with that. And then I remember my one brush with the dread Potted Meat Food Product.

Both Hormel and Armour make a variant of Potted Meat, and it goes by the same name from both companies. I guess when the name is just a bland description of a worrying food it’s difficult to come up with a copyright infringement case.

Potted meat is really the bottom of the barrel when it comes to the tinned meat industry. And I mean that both in a metaphorical and literal sense. Just check out these ingredients from the Hormel version:
Ingredients: Beef Tripe, Mechanically Separated Chicken, Beef Hearts, Partially Defatted Cooked Beef Fatty Tissue, Meat Broth, Vinegar, Salt, Flavoring, Sugar, Sodium Nitrite.

Partially Defatted Cooked Beef Fatty Tissue has to be something scraped out of the bottom of the cooker, doesn’t it?

What would prompt someone to eat this stuff? I had some once out of sheer curiosity. It only comes in a 3 oz can and I could only stomach about a quarter of it. And I actually like Spam, but I just couldn’t plow through this bizarre meat paste.

If any of you are big Potted meat fans drop us a line and tell me what I’m missing out on. Maybe Potted meat, like cream of mushroom soup, is better as a starter for something else instead of straight out of the can. If you have any ideas let us know and we’ll give you a post.

Tune in tomorrow where, with luck, we’ll have some recipes, or perhaps a completely tinned meat free day.

Yesterday’s incredibly repetitive Spam posts seem to have got under the skin of a few people. Mine included, but that’s not really the point. We are, after all, amusing ourselves.

Here is just a sample of the mass amounts of email that we received regarding yesterday’s hijinks:

Pumpkin eaters,

You’re insensitive posts have wasted vast amounts of my computer’s runtime. I am quite the busy spammer, and I barely had time to send out my required 1,000,000 emails to meet my quota, what with my rss feed always pinging with some new tidbit about that tasty Spam treat. And all of those statistics alternately turned my stomach and made me proud of American ingenuity. And all of those pictures of Spam made my poor kitten fluffy go absolutely mad.
Shame on you. I’ll never visit your site again. Unless I need somewhere to dump spam in the comments section to increase my page rank.
Sincerely,
May Dupnaim

Quite the fury isn’t she. Well, I hope that those of you returning today weren’t as offended as May. Apparently, you weren’t or you wouldn’t be reading this, you’d just send a bot to sell c1@lis in our comments.

Tune in tomorrow, and we promise you another salty snack.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio

Senator Robert Byrd of West Viginia eats a sandwich of SPAM and mayonnaise on white bread three times a week.

SPAM is made in two U.S. locations - Austin, Minnesota, and Fremont, Nebraska - and seven other countries: England, Australia, Denmark, Phillipines, Japan, Taiwan, and South Korea.

Over 141 million cans of SPAM are sold worldwide each year.

In 1989, the U.S. armed forces bought 3.3 million pounds of SPAM.

Over 60 million people in the U.S. eat SPAM.