Drunken Pumpkin

Mary Clancy approached Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service in tears.

Father O’Grady: “So what’s bothering you, Mary, my dear?”

Mary: “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

Father O’Grady: “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”

Mary: “That he did, Father.”

Father O’Grady: “What did he ask, Mary? ”
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Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.”

“Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”

“That’s what I’m here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery…”

“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me.”

“I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”

Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”

“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”

“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. . . did he at least go quickly?”
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There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.

Hanson’s Treatment of Time: