Drunken Pumpkin

Have a nice day—Unless you have other plans

Just having a look at the news and I spotted an article about the EU appointing a single Foreign Chief. I wonder how far out we are from the EU completely functioning like a single country and telling the U.S. to piss off or grow up. If they keep listening to some of the zany stuff coming out of Poland that might just take a bit.

Okay, the Polish are a little cranky with the Germans for that whole invasion and slaughter thing from the middle of last century, but I think it might be time to move past that. The French have calmed down about the Germans, and just look at how often the Germans stomped them into the ground. And it gets worse when look at the real world instead of just soccer. Seriously.

But my favorite part of the article was the discussion about changes in voting procedures. I really love the Polish take on things:

Poland has proposed an alternative under which voting power would be based on the square root of each country’s population.

I don’t know how that effects anything, as the sqare root of a large number is still bigger than the square root of a small number. I just love the fact that they want to use square roots to decide on voting power. I think the next proposal really should include a reference to pi. Maybe the square root of the number of people per square mile multiplied by available acreage times pi. I think that would give a fair amount of power to those involved in deciding policy.

Maybe it’s just me, but when you have to break out the scientific calculator to sort out how many votes your nation has, things have become a little silly. Maybe the bicameral system really is the way to go. Or maybe that’s just the American in me talking.

Enough with the politics. Go square your population and increase your power. Come back tomorrow for a little chat about ethanol.

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, “You wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The person replies, “I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?”
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Czech hackers managed to get access to a webcam and insert realistic footage of nuclear explosion. The incident was broadcasted on the Czech TV programme Panorama on Sunday.

Full article and video of the broadcast can be found at Net-Security.org

Sad that I didn’t share this earlier, but I didn’t find it until it showed up in the news today. The US Department of Energy has a website for kids, with fun games and activities, to help teach children about the proper way to handle radioactive waste. The website is at ocrwm.doe.gov/youth.

As I said, this website just showed up in the news…

It appears that our House of Representatives just voted to cut off funding for Yucca Mountain Johnny and the gang.

Now kids will have to learn about radioactive waste disposal the same way the rest of us did, through trial and error.

I thought that the author of the original Ten Commandments had retired from writing, but maybe I was mistaken.

Drivers’ “Ten Commandments”

61. In any case, with the request for motorists to exercise virtue, we have drawn up a special “decalogue” for them, in analogy with the Lord’s Ten Commandments. These are stated here below, as indications, considering that they may also be formulated differently.

I. You shall not kill.
II. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
III. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
IV. Be charitable and help your neighbour in need, especially victims of accidents.
V. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
VI. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
VII. Support the families of accident victims.
VIII. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
IX. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
X. Feel responsible towards others.

As always, I’ve excerpted these from the original document, which can be found here.

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing, he knew nobody had said it before.

[Press Secretary Tony] Snow added that the veto would not affect private funding of embryonic stem cell research, but that Bush “has just determined that it is morally inappropriate” for federal taxpayers who may disagree to fund it.

There is, however, no moral concern when funding other US policies despite those taxpayers who may disagree with the direction of US foreign policy, illegal domestic wiretapping, suspension of habeas corpus and the Geneva conventions, etc.

The full article is available at the LATimes

Well, as promised I ranted about the internet yesterday. Granted, you wouldn’t know that unless you lived fairly close to me, as our internet service was down and I just ranted out loud.

We have been using the free wireless internet provided by our landlord for the last month or so, and it is a bit spotty at times. The last couple of days though, it has been out more than on, and that is starting to be a bit of bother. So I went into my office and built a machine out of scrap parts and I’m currently using that for my internet needs. As I type I’m working using the Dyne:Bolic live cd of linux. It has lots of cool stuff that I will probably never use, but it works on effectively no resources and it will truly trip up my office mate if he ever attempts to use the computer and that’s worth the effort right there.

On a completely different topic, I’ve been using a straight razor to shave lately. I have to say it is really quite an experience to have something that sharp that close to major arteries. I’m also a little confounded that the Jews never really got into shaving. You see, if you look at most Jewish customs you get a sense that they really love ritual, almost as much as the Catholics. And nothing is a more ritual activity than shaving with a straight razor, and since pre-18th century all razors were cut-throats it stands to reason that those inclined to ritual would fall in love with them.

When you shave with a safety razor the deal is pretty simple: apply shaving soap of choice, scrape face, and you’re done. Now, with a straight razor there are a few more steps, some involving incense and the sacrifice of a small furry creature. No I’m not kidding.

First you need to lather up. This is best accomplished with a brush and bar of shave soap, usually scented. The best brushes come from badgers, which are normally killed in order to be made into soup, and a shave brush.

Next you have to strop your razor. This aligns the edge into a perfectly straight line. You can skip this step if you live in a pyramid.

Then you lather again. I know you haven’t actually shaved yet, but you lather a second time prior to shaving and after stropping.

Then you hold the razor in it’s mystic configuration that’s far to hard to explain without pictures. And you scrape your face while maintaining the blade at the proper angle to cut through hair without pulling it out slicing through your face, instead, while always moving the blade at a right angle to the cutting edge. That last statement bears repeating. Only move the blade perpendicular to your face, anything else means you are drawing a razor sharp blade across your face, resulting in an extended cleanup time and a trip to the hospital.

Now, lather your face again. And shave across the grain this time.

If you’re feeling up to it, lather again and shave against the grain.

Finally, hang your brush and razor to dry and apply after shave. It is best to use an after shave with the least amount of alcohol possible. Unless shaving is part of your “waking up” ritual. In which case, a splash of alcohol on a number of open wounds is sure to have you ready to meet your day in a jiffy.

And that’s the mystic ritual of the straight razor, in a very condensed version. It can get much more complicated, but not much simpler.

Tune in tomorrow when I try to get to my office at a decent hour to get some work done, and fail again.

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called “pullets” (for you city folk) and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn’t perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer’s favorite rooster was old Butch and a very fine specimen he was, too.

But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John ’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He would sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
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