Drunken Pumpkin

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year’s winners…..

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
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Don’t worry chief, it will be alright.

actor
died August 23, 1926

As I cruise across this great nation making the world a better place I found a computer to update the site.

Sadly, I noticed more naked men today. Well, only half-naked and that was quite a good thing. You see, these were guys digging in some field as I made my commute to stop crime. It truly is amazing when one is in a position to hold down a jack hammer with your belly and still have both hands free to eat a sandwich. Really, don’t visualize that one.

Okay, that’s all the humor I have for you today. Try again tomorrow.

I’ve just been in a room filled with naked men. Normally, if there is more than one naked man in the room with me, I get a little anxious, but this was socially acceptable.

I started working out at the gym today. Previously, I would pick up heavy things and put them down again in the comfort of my own home, but that isn’t quite cutting it anymore. You see, after you lift heavy things for a while it becomes a little too easy to pick them up and you have to move on to heavier things. When that happens you can either blow a lot of cash on more heavy things, or go to the gym that your office provides. It was quite the internal struggle which was the better option due to that aforementioned naked man room.

I remembered the other reason I’m not fond of public gyms today as well. At home I can move from one exercise to the next without too much hassle. In the gym I have to wipe the machine down, and then hope that no one is using the equipment that I want to use. And that is almost never the case. So, instead of a minute or so between sets I end up standing around looking stupid for five or six as I wait on my exercise, or give up and move on to the next part of my workout.

I think it may be time to look into a home gym so that I can leave the naked men behind and finally become buff enough to be okay with being in a room full of other naked men.

Tune in tomorrow to see if I post anything, the school year has started and the descent into chaos must begin shortly. Stay tuned.