Soul Tazer
In my own quest to make the world a better place, i.e. less stupid, I have been involved in research into the “Soul Tazer”. Based on early research in electro shock therapy the soul tazer fires a concentrated amount of current directly into the brain of the applicant in question. Through this application of high electrical current a small portion of the applicant’s personality is numbed or destroyed. With the destruction of the relevant portion of personality the applicant will become a slightly more pleasant person for upwards of six hours at a time. However, continued use of this device has had detrimental effects on some test subjects, leading to irritability and occasional lack of bowel control (butt drip). But these only happen in 60% of all cases and this has been deemed an acceptable quantity of drooling idiots if only for the fact that they are no longer a bother to the public in general. A downside to this is the fact that nearly all Wal-Mart and Meijer stores will need to have an employment drive.
I’m quite proud of my Soul Tazer and use it on a daily basis. In fact, it has become so addictive that I’ve been asked to leave it at home the next time I come to work. Oh well, such is life.
Tune in next time when Jeff talks about being pushed in the mud at the Ren Fair and no one really noticing.
