Drunken Pumpkin

On Thursday, the Goldman family published a book about the killings that Simpson had written under the title, “If I Did It.” After a deal for Simpson to publish it fell through, the family bought the rights and retitled the book “If I Did It: The Confessions of a Killer.”

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is

This morning, I was in a huge hurry and on my way to work. I was preoccupied with what my day held and I rear-ended a car at a stop light because I was not really paying attention. I had hot coffee in my lap and I was running late. “Great, just great”, I muttered.

The driver opened his door, leaned out of his car and stared at me. He was a dwarf. He got out, studied the damage on his bumper, and walked towards me as I rolled down my window. He said, “I’m not happy”…

To which I replied, “Well…. which one are you then?”

I know….I’m going to hell……….