I Have Secret Mind Control Powers

I used to talk frequently about Jeff’s Jedi mind powers here on the Pumpkin. Seriously, go check it out, and then come back.

In reality, it is I that have the mind control powers. It truly is an amazing gift, and I’m willing to tell you the secret. I know that sounds like some kind of come on to get you to give me money, but it isn’t. In fact, there’s no money involved at all.
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