Drunken Pumpkin

I installed a toilet yesterday. And the day before. The installation of the toilet required a rewrite, which is why it took two days.

Technically, the last two months have been headed towards the installation of this toilet, but really, it was only in the last two days that it took place. Or maybe it was three days. Four at the most.

Anyway, for those of you that don’t know, toilets are attached to the sewer via a flange attached to your bathroom floor, that goes into a big pipe, which goes into a bigger pipe, which goes into a bigger pipe, which houses a Batman villain. Previously, I didn’t have that flange.

Most plumbing confounds me. On the surface it seems pretty self explanatory, screw that pipe to that pipe and hope for the best. But what happens when the pipes are different sizes, or types (metal v plastic), or, worse yet, threaded or smooth. And shouldn’t they end in a valve or something? But this flange really messed with me. Seriously, the drain to a toilet is really just a big hole in the ground, but if you don’t hook things up right your in deep crap, in a much too literal sense. However, the installation of the flange, which I thought would take some skill, amounted to: buy flange, apply soap, stomp in place, screw to the floor. That’s it, the high tech tool was a booted foot.

After that the fun started.

When I replaced the floor in my bathroom a drain pipe in the basement was broken. Since it went to a non-existent appliance I wasn’t concerned. In fact, I didn’t notice. Now, I’ve been using my kitchen sink and such for a little while with no ill effects. The first time I flushed the toilet, however, that was all to change. Apparently, when you hit a “T” in a drain with a couple gallons of water at a go it tends to go wherever the hell it wants to, unlike when a small stream of water threads it’s way down the same stretch of pipe and follows the correct path. I must say, I’m glad we tested the toilet for leaks and checked the basement before christening our new toilet, that would have been bad.

Of course, that wasn’t the only leak, just the one most pressing, so to speak. But this has become a little long winded. Just like the toilet itself, this story will have to be handled in more than one day.

Tune in tomorrow for another exciting episode of plumbing.