A prisoner had just been sentenced for a heinous crime and was returned to his cell. An inquisitive guard could not wait to ask him about the outcome.
Guard:”What did you get for a sentence?”
Prisoner: “I could choose life or 100 years.”
Guard: “And what did you choose?”
Prisoner: “Well, life, obviously. Statistically speaking that is shorter.”
As a biologist, a physicist, and a statistician are riding on a train through Wisconsin, they pass a herd of cows, one of which is completely white.
Biologist: “Oh look, there are white cows in Wisconsin.”
Physicist: “You mean there is at least one white cow in Wisconsin.”
Statistician: “No, there is at least one cow in Wisconsin that’s white on at least one side!”
A man was in a hot-air balloon. Soon he found himself lost with nothing but green fields for as far as the eye could see. Eventually, he happened to float over a man who was walking his dog. He leaned over the basket and yelled out, “Hello! Where am I?”
The man on the ground replied, “You’re about 20 feet above the ground in a hot-air balloon.”
The balloonist cursed him and shouted back, “You must be a statistician.”
“Why do you say that?” asked the man on the ground.
“Well,” shouted the balloonist, “You’re absolutely correct but your answer was completely useless.”
“Oh I see,” replied the walker, “And you must be a manager.”
“Actually, you’re right,” said the balloonist. “How did you know?”
“Well,” said the walker, “first you were lost. Then, after working out what information you needed to sort yourself out, you asked someone else to get it for you. Now, that you have the information, you’re still lost, but it’s someone else’s fault.”
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