Drunken Pumpkin

My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.

Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern Tennessee because of bad weather. Thank God our kids were with me at the Beach House this weekend.

The NTSB issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: She was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.

Photographs below were taken at the scene show the extent of damage to her aircraft.

She was very lucky.

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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a state trooper. He thinks that he is smarter than the trooper because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any trooper. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the troopers expense.

Trooper: ‘License and registration, please.’

Lawyer: ‘What for?’

Trooper: ‘You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.’

Lawyer: ‘I slowed down, and no one was coming.’

Trooper: ‘You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.’

Lawyer: ‘What’s the difference?’

Trooper: ‘The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!’

Lawyer: ‘If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.’

Trooper: ‘Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.’
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The secretary of defense gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”

“Oh No!” the president exclaimed. “That’s Terrible!”

His staff was stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sat, his head in his hands.
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A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys’ car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.

“Sir,” the cop says. “Why do you have all those knives?”

“They’re for my juggling act,” the man says.

“I don’t believe you,” says the cop. “Prove it.” So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.

“Man,” says the first guy. “I’m glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.”

Have to click more so that I get a chance to warn you that it is probably not appropriate for any workplace.

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This morning, I was in a huge hurry and on my way to work. I was preoccupied with what my day held and I rear-ended a car at a stop light because I was not really paying attention. I had hot coffee in my lap and I was running late. “Great, just great”, I muttered.

The driver opened his door, leaned out of his car and stared at me. He was a dwarf. He got out, studied the damage on his bumper, and walked towards me as I rolled down my window. He said, “I’m not happy”…

To which I replied, “Well…. which one are you then?”

I know….I’m going to hell……….

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it immediately sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.