Life lessons you wish had been explained clearly when you were younger
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Statistician humor
A prisoner had just been sentenced for a heinous crime and was returned to his cell. An inquisitive guard could not wait to ask him about the outcome.
Guard:”What did you get for a sentence?”
Prisoner: “I could choose life or 100 years.”
Guard: “And what did you choose?”
Prisoner: “Well, life, obviously. Statistically speaking that is shorter.”
As a biologist, a physicist, and a statistician are riding on a train through Wisconsin, they pass a herd of cows, one of which is completely white.
Biologist: “Oh look, there are white cows in Wisconsin.”
Physicist: “You mean there is at least one white cow in Wisconsin.”
Statistician: “No, there is at least one cow in Wisconsin that’s white on at least one side!”
A man was in a hot-air balloon. Soon he found himself lost with nothing but green fields for as far as the eye could see. Eventually, he happened to float over a man who was walking his dog. He leaned over the basket and yelled out, “Hello! Where am I?”
The man on the ground replied, “You’re about 20 feet above the ground in a hot-air balloon.”
The balloonist cursed him and shouted back, “You must be a statistician.”
“Why do you say that?” asked the man on the ground.
“Well,” shouted the balloonist, “You’re absolutely correct but your answer was completely useless.”
“Oh I see,” replied the walker, “And you must be a manager.”
“Actually, you’re right,” said the balloonist. “How did you know?”
“Well,” said the walker, “first you were lost. Then, after working out what information you needed to sort yourself out, you asked someone else to get it for you. Now, that you have the information, you’re still lost, but it’s someone else’s fault.”
It’s just there to save the spot
You know, in case someone wants to put a sign there someday.
Made my toes curl…
A short and succinct guide to teaching children proper handling of knives.
Submitted by Ken A. almost two weeks ago… sorry Ken, it did get grabbed by a spam filter and I just found it today.
Chicago
I went to Wizard World last weekend. The Convention was a hoot. Getting to the convention was not.
It took me three and a half hours or so to make it to Chicago. That’s not really a problem, as I had to traverse about 180 miles to get there. However, once I hit Illinois things went south. To get from the East side of Chicago to Rosemont took me an hour and fifteen minutes. Parts of that I spent parked on the Dan Ryan “Expressway”.
Maybe it’s me, but the title “Express” implies that your trip will be quick. Alas, in Chicago, this is a mistake. I was frequently taunted by the speed limit signs along the way saying that the fastest I could go was 55 mph. I would have been happy to hit 15.
I sat there idling so long that I had to turn the heat on in my car to keep it from overheating. That certainly added to the joy of my day. There I sat surrounded by cars I could have gotten out and walked past with my car pumping heat onto me.
Now, here’s the real kicker. I made sure to hit Chicago at mid-afternoon, in order to avoid the rush hour. So, it’s 3:00 on a Thursday afternoon and all of these people are on the road. What happens at 5:00? Or is it that Chicago is unemployed and everyone is “supporting the economy” by driving around mindlessly?
All I know is that next year I’m taking the train. Oddly enough, it will actually take me longer to get to my hotel that way, but at least I can sit in the airconditioning and let someone else curse at the commuters.
Tune in next time for recipes for squirrel and spider monkey stew. Or maybe not. Also, go check out the reviews at Comics Et Al.
